So, Where Does That Leave Me?

BIG mood: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I realize I've talked a lot about my husband on here and you're probably wondering "well Amber...what about you?" You probably aren't wondering that at all but it's ok. I really don't have much going on right now and that's the real tea. I wish I could say that I'm spending my days doing something as fulfilling as full time teaching like my husband but I'm just not. In the grand scheme of things I guess I only have myself to blame for that.

I had to officially resign from my job as a substitute teacher because we moved too far away from the area. Being a substitute has it's ups and downs but I built some great relationships with many people in that district and I do kind of miss it there. I have applied to be a substitute in the district that my husband now works in but it has been a week and I haven't heard anything. I'm trying to be patient as I understand the beginning of the school year is extremely busy, but I can't help but let my anxiety build up and think of a plan b, a plan c, and even a plan d. My plan b is to get a job at a daycare which I think would be fun and fulfilling in it's own right. I have researched some in the area but haven't applied yet. I don't really know why. I guess I'm still giving the school district time to respond. I think a big part of it though is just how exhausting and discouraging the job hunting process has been for me personally.

Since my student teaching semester back in Spring 2017, I have applied to approximately 200 teaching jobs. Out of those applications, I have had 3 interviews and no job offers.

I've never admitted that to anyone except for my husband and immediate family.

I am still trying to figure out why this is. It has to be something wrong on my end because apparently I'm not standing out enough on paper to even get interviews. However, I reformatted my resume this past Summer and still nothing. I use the same format that my husband uses but maybe elementary schools are looking for something different. I guess I'm just really boring on paper so I'm trying to figure out ways to change that. Being a substitute has definitely helped and I think a job at a daycare would stand out as well. However, I would be lying if I said that it hasn't been the most disheartening and confidence breaking aspect of my life, which makes it very hard to find the motivation to apply for jobs or even question if I am supposed to be a teacher. I am so passionate about education (I cry at every TED Talk about education), but if it was really what I was meant to do wouldn't it have happened by now? Am I just not patient enough? Not strong enough? What am I doing wrong? Why didn't I get hired straight out of college like everyone else?

These are all questions that I am working on finding the answers to. I know that I need to be stronger than my worst thoughts. I've never wanted anything more than to be an educator-someone who looks at the future generations and says "you can do absolutely anything you can imagine as long as you take what I give you and never give up on yourself." I've had a few of my teachers growing up say things like that to me and it has meant more to me than they will probably ever realize. I guess I just need to find the ways to express that better to employers.

I hope this post wasn't too boring, but it was some things about myself that I needed to get off my chest if I plan to be real on this blog. In other news, I'm brainstorming some ideas for my first vlog (video blog) post to put up on here so be on the lookout for that! In the meantime, I will leave you with a video that is NOT mine but one that I always come back to when I feel hopeless or lost in my career journey.