I Hate Being a Substitute Teacher

#storyofmylife

I don't know what substitute teachers did to society, but the general consensus is that we are treated like dirt and I honestly have no idea why.

When I was a substitute last year, I worked for a huge district and was hardly ever with the same kids twice. I know it can be rough having a complete stranger come in and start telling you what to do but take it from the sub's perspective: It is ROUGH to walk into a classroom full of strangers and try to get them to listen to you. But why? Why have we as a society allowed ourselves to create this narrative that when you have a substitute teacher you treat them like dirt? Switching names. Not sitting in the correct seats. LYING to them about classroom procedures. Why? I genuinely don't understand.

This year, I work at a specific school. I do not always have to sub a class but when I do it usually ends up ruining my day. A word I have used to describe my experiences as a substitute teacher (more than once) is abusive. You would think that the situation would improve since I am by no means a stranger to these kids but a part of me thinks that it almost makes it worse. They are comfortable. Too comfortable. And now having been through both scenarios I can honestly say that being a substitute teacher just...sucks.

I have quite a few horror stories. I once had a high school kid slap my hand for trying to take up his phone (during a TEST) and then he proceeded to shove his phone in his crotch and laugh saying "Yeah you'll never get it now." I have had a middle school student scream INCHES from my face before storming out of the room and slamming the door so hard he almost broke the frame. I have had students flat out ignore me even when I am standing right in front of them. Call me names. Lie to me about everything. Steal from me. Threaten to get me fired. You name it. Solely because I am a sub and "that's just what you do when there's a sub."

I am a human being. I love kids and I love school. I have a passion for teaching like I've never even known. I have likes and dislikes. I have hobbies and interests. I have feelings. I have bills to pay. These are things people tend to forget about others-and it becomes especially apparent in a job like substitute teaching. Students see me walk in and think "Yay a sub! How can we mess with her? How can we manipulate her? How can we test her patience? How can we get her FIRED?" Jeez the number of times I have heard kids proudly say that they want to get me fired or that they are the class that gets subs fired is pretty gut-wrenching. I am not a person to them. I am a toy to play with until I break.

So here is my advice to my teacher friends, parent friends, and anyone else: TEACH YOUR KIDS TO BE KIND TO THEIR SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS. Teachers-make it a point to go over classroom expectations when there is a sub, proper etiquette, and offer rewards and consequences. Parents-teach your children to respect their superiors, especially when they are working a job designed to benefit them. Teachers need days off. Substitutes are there to pick up the slack and make sure your kids still have a productive day. Know us. Respect us.

10 Things I Love About Living on my Own

Our new welcome mat that I am obsessed with. It says "hello" when you come home and "goodbye" when you leave.

Hey y'all! I know it has been a while since I have made a blog post but there has been a lot of change in my life over the past few months and honestly it's been tough to adjust. Between a new home, new job, flu season (I work with children), my husband being in season as a first time coach, and of course the holidays I unfortunately haven't had much free time. It's not that I've been neglecting the blog, I've been neglecting all sense of a personal life in general. To be completely honest, I have also had trouble thinking of stuff to write about here. I feel like my life is boring and not really worth putting out there, but maybe that is important too. People always post on social media when something exciting happens and therefore it looks like everyone else's lives are filled with constant excitement. I think it can be important to talk about the more mundane, day to day things to remind us that we all deal with those things as well.

With all of this change comes a lot of good things, though. Change is scary when you suffer with anxiety but it can also open up the opportunity to do things that you've always wanted to do to be more relaxed but you just haven't come up with a good enough motivator to do it. In my last post I listed the top 10 things I was missing about living on my own. So, I figured it would be fun to follow up that post with a list of my top 10 things I love about living on my own again (with a husband and 2 furbabies, of course!)

10. Decorating

I know this was on my previous post, but it is worth mentioning again. Like I said, I suffer with really bad anxiety. Some days, I can't even function because it is so overcoming. This may sound dumb, but I've done quite a bit of research on how to decorate to ease anxiety. Your home should be a safe space-somewhere that you leave your woes at the door and cocoon yourself in total relaxation. It should be a comfortable and happy place. Being able to decorate my home how I like to based on the research I've done is just so great. I love black and grey tones. The neutrality of those colors plus the fact that they are cool and dark makes me feel so relaxed. I love looking around my home and taking in all of the decorations that I have picked out. (Side note: my husband does get a say in the decorating, but he is nowhere near as picky as I am.)

9. Cleaning

I know this one may sound really weird, but hear me out. I really don't enjoy cleaning. Sometimes I get in a mood and I'll go crazy doing even the most tedious cleaning tasks (the other day I not only cleaned out our fridge and freezer but I then #notsponsored Clorox wiped every inch of it inside and out...just because I felt like it!) So when I put this on my list I really just mean cleaning how I want when I want. When you live with roommates-or your parents-you feel more obligated to keep things tidy even when you aren't in the mood. Also, my husband and I do a lot of setting things in weird places but knowing exactly where they are when we need them again. When you live with other people, you can't just leave things out and about because you don't want it to get in their way. Our home may look a little messy but seriously, we know where everything is, and I like it that way.

8. Our Bathtub (omg)

I have gotten some weird reactions when I tell people that I like to take baths to relax. I don't know why. It seems like a common thing? I mean, stores like Lush exist for a reason, right? Anyway, I do really love popping in a bath bomb, lighting a candle, and chilling in the bathtub while looking at memes. When we lived with my parents, the bathtub in our bathroom was definitely made for children. It was TINY and oddly narrow. The bathtub in our new apartment is easily the biggest bathtub I have ever had. There really isn't much more to say about this one. I'm just really happy to be able to take my baths again.

7. Leaving the Doors Open

This is on here for a few reasons. For one, our cat simply MUST have access to all areas of the living space at all times or he will destroy things. Before moving, we always had to close the door to our bedroom and our cat would scratch at the door at all hours of the night to go in and out. It not only was annoying, but he was ruining the carpet and putting marks on the door. Now, we can leave all of our inside doors open and he doesn't complain. Also, opening doors is unnecessary labor. I know, #thosemillennials am I right? But seriously, if you don't have to keep them closed for some reason I challenge you to open every door inside your home and leave them open. Just for like a week. See how much easier your life is. When your holding laundry, going in and out of your bedroom in the morning because you keep forgetting things, or when you have to pee but you're really into your video game so you hold off until you're absolutely about to burst. You don't have to exert the extra energy to open a door. Just trust me on this. And now I will wait for an article titled "Millennial are killing the door industry".

6. Grocery Shopping

You know you're truly an #adult when you enjoy grocery shopping. I freaking love it for some reason. I think about all the things I can cook or all the snacks I can buy. I also have a terrible habit of people watching and grocery stores are a very fun place to do that. Pro tip. Anyway, it is also a sort of independence thing. When living with my parents, my mom would do all of the grocery shopping and she would ask my husband and me what we wanted when we would go. I always felt bad asking for a huge amount of stuff since I wasn't paying for it so I would limit myself. This is nothing against my mom. I just didn't want her to worry about it and I didn't want to burden her. It is nice to be able to go to the store and pick out things that I like without feeling like I'm bothering someone else. My husband and I also both really enjoy cooking so it is nice to be doing that again.

5. No stairs!

Oh, here goes the millennial again talking about things being too hard. Blah, blah, blah. I think we can all agree that stairs are not fun. Hello! There's a machine for it at the gym which tells me it's a form of torture and not a necessity. We live in a first floor apartment and it is fantastic. Our previous apartment was also on the first floor and after that we decided we are never going back. We don't even want a two-story house when that time comes. When we were in college, our apartment was on the third floor and was built on a hill. It was on campus so to save money and be healthy we walked to class. Going to class was fine because it was all down hill. Coming home however was a nightmare. It was all uphill, no shade from the Texas heat, and then after a nice 10 minute uphill walk we then had to climb 3 stories to our apartment. Ew. Also, when we lived with my parents we stayed in a bedroom on the second floor so when we would need a drink or if we left something downstairs it was unfortunate. I love living the #nostairs life.

4. Space

As I said, when we lived with my parents we were living in one bedroom. That sounds more dramatic than it is because of course we had access to the entire house but if we wanted privacy or a space to do our own thing, we were limited to the one bedroom. I missed having my own living room space where I can light a candle, spread out on the couch, and watch my TV shows as loud as I want. I love having my own kitchen where I can bake and know where everything is. I love being able to put my all my stuff everywhere and it doesn't look (too) cluttered. Again, this is part of the anxiety I think. I like having a space where I sleep, a space where I watch TV, a space where I do my makeup, and so on. I love having a designated spot for everything and that is something you don't get when living in a confined area. Like one of those tiny houses where it's like "oh here's a window ledge but if you unfold it and attach these legs that were conveniently stored under the couch 2 inches away you now have your dining table". Personally, I'm not about that life. I LOVE watching tiny house/apartment tours on YouTube though. Very fascinating.

3. Being Myself

That sounds deeper than it really is. Basically, I like being able to do what I want when I want in my living space. Again, this is really nothing against my parents but you know how it is when you live with other people you want to be respectful and accommodating of the space. For example, you wouldn't walk around without pants on or randomly start singing Evanescence at the top of your lungs in the middle of the living room (not that I do those things, noooo.) This kind of goes in hand with the cleaning thing, too. When I get in those random moods to clean, I can just start vacuuming in the middle of the day without knowing that I'm going to bother someone else. Yes, I do have a husband but he is like that too plus he is in season so he is gone a lot for practices, games, and tournaments.

2. Independence

Do you like how as we get further down the list the reasons get more sentimental and deep? Anyway, I'm so glad to have my independence back. I love being able to do things spontaneously with my husband like go out to dinner when we don't feel like cooking or deciding last minute that we want to go look at Christmas lights together. My mom loves to cook. She would have dinner planned almost every night. It was amazing, but it would make us feel guilty if for some reason we weren't going to be there or if we wanted to go out just the two of us. I love just randomly deciding that I want to dye my hair so I get up, go to the store, and come home without worrying if I will worry someone because they don't know where I am or how long I will be gone. Also, moving into this apartment was also the start of us being officially 100% financially independent for the first time. I know, I know...we are so spoiled, but we've been in college and then not having full time jobs so being able to afford our own place with stability was not possible. Now that my husband works on salary and I have a job that pays hourly but I'm guaranteed full-time hours we are now able to completely support ourselves while still getting to do fun things every once in a while AND even build a savings. We finally feel like we are in a good place where we can really start preparing for the future.

1. Feeling Like an Adult Again

This is similar to the independence thing, but a little more on the emotional side. Being married and living with your parents in such a strange thing. You feel like you're a mature adult and you want to have this adult married life but you're sleeping in your old bed that you got when you were in middle school transitioning from a twin size mattress to a larger mattress for the first time. You are trying to live an adult life in a childhood setting. It puts a really unsettling feeling in your soul about how you are supposed to react to your surroundings. My husband and I were trying to think about the future while being surrounded by things from our past. Maybe not everyone feels this way when they are an adult living with their parents, but it did make me feel a lot like I was moving backwards. Especially when I couldn't find a job right away. It is nice to be back in the flow of having a whole living space to ourselves that we pay for and that we take care of. I feel like my age again.

So, there it is. On top of the 10 things I missed here are 10 more things that I have cherished since we have been back living on our own. I would really like to start writing here again regularly. I kind of let it die and I didn't think much of it until I went to my friend's wedding the other night. I saw another friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while and she asked me why I had stopped writing my blog. I told her I had just been busy and she was encouraging me to start it back up because she really enjoyed reading it. It lit a spark in me. Someone was enjoying what I was putting out there into the internet void. That's so cool! Since then, I have brainstormed some topics to write about that I think people would enjoy, but if you have any suggestions please let me know!

10 Things I Miss About Living on my Own

Our pupper in our old living room. I miss our couch and that rug so much.

My husband and I are finally moving into our own apartment next weekend and it is all we have been able to think about the past few days. We've been thinking about all the things we look forward to about having our own space and the things we miss about it. Not that living with my parents has been completely miserable, but I'm sure you guys know what I mean when I say that there is something about having a place of your own that makes you appreciate all the things within it. Having said that, I came up with a list of the top 10 things I miss about living of my own/the top 10 things I'm most excited about when I think about moving back into our own apartment next weekend.

10. All of my Clothes

Since my husband and I had no idea how long we would actually be living with my parents, I only packed so many outfits that were appropriate for work. The rest of my clothes went into boxes that have been sitting in a storage unit since August. I mostly packed leggings and t-shirts. Although it has been nice to not be so overwhelmed by outfit choices every morning, my outfits have gotten extremely repetitive and I'm worried my coworkers are starting to notice.

9. Decorating

I have always enjoyed decorating my home. I have seasonal decorations as well as holiday decorations and I've always enjoyed DIY home decor. I miss being in a space that I have designed and thought of myself based on my likes and my favorite colors. And before any of you say anything, yes my husband has a say in this as well but he is way less into it than I am. Especially with my favorite holiday coming up (Halloween), I am really looking forward to pulling out all of my Halloween decorations the day we move in!

8. Candles

This kind of goes along with the decorating, but was still missed enough to be on the list by itself. Along with creating a relaxing space through my home decor, I feel like the scent of the home is just as important. I love buying different candles with different scents to fit my different moods. One candle I am really looking forward to lighting in our new home is the apple cinnamon candle by Glade (#notsponsored). It smells just like Fall, which is important since Texas doesn't really have "seasons" so we have to create them ourselves with scented candles. I also recently bought a candle from Bath & Body Works called "Vampire Blood" that I am in love with. I'm not sure what it smells like exactly-I'm pretty sure it's not actual vampire blood-but I love it anyway.

7. Painting

Remember when I talked about how burned out I got from my last job as a substitute teacher? I tried to find anything that would bring me some sort of peace and relaxation from such a stressful job. One of those things was painting. I became a regular sub for an elementary school art teacher and I always loved the projects she had planned for the kids. I found myself taking pictures of her examples so that I could go home and create them on the weekends. I had tot throw out my watercolor paints when we moved because they wouldn't travel well, but I plan to buy more as soon as we move in so I can pick it back up again. I would put on my headphones and kid of forget about the rest of the world. Very therapeutic.

6. My Silhouette Machine

As you can tell, I am an artsy-craftsy person. Along with painting and DIY home decor I also love creating things on my Silhouette Cameo. If you don't know what that is, it is a machine that will cut out different designs on a material that you can then use on other things. I have made window decals, card stock cutouts, and iron-on designs for clothes with it. It is so fun to make my own clothes or decorate my laptop. If you have me on Facebook, you can check out my photo album of all of the things I've made using the machine. It has also been a great stress reliever for me and I can't wait to make school spirit shirts and other things for our home.

5. Having a Bedside Lamp

This is one of those things you don't fully appreciate until you don't have it anymore. In the bedroom my husband and I have been staying in there is no lamp by the bed. Every night, we complain about who has to get up and turn off the light while the other person uses the flashlight on their phone so that the light-turner-offer can find their way back to bed. Oh how I miss the days of simply rolling over and turning off the lamp when I was ready to go to sleep.

4. My Makeup Space

Before we moved in with my parents, I had a makeshift vanity for all of my makeup using a table from IKEA and a bunch of those clear plastic drawers you can buy pretty much anywhere. I had all of my makeup organized and within reach. When we moved, I had to limit it to my travel makeup bag with my essential products and pack everything else up in a box. I also had a nice chair and a light up mirror. For the past 2 months, I have had to stand up and do my makeup over the bathroom sink. The horror!

3. Playing WoW

If you know me at all, this one shouldn't come as a surprise. Especially with it being so high up on the list. Playing World of Warcraft really is the ultimate escape from reality. I loved coming home on a Friday night after a long day at work, lounging on the couch with my lap desk and a snack, and getting in some serious game time. You know how some people use sports to get out all of their anger and frustrations? I go on the internet and kill a bunch of people. Same thing, right? Anyway, I miss it so much and it will probably be the very first thing I do once the movers leave.

2. Cuddling With my Dog

My dog is the absolute love of my life (sorry hubs). My parents have a gate on their door to keep their puppy from going upstairs, which means my dog also can't get up the stairs. Since we've lived with my parents, I feel like I don't get the same quality time I usually spend with my pupper. She would always cuddle up next to me on the couch while I played WoW or we would play together right before going to sleep. I can't wait for her to see our new apartment because we totally got it with her in mind. It has a huge bedroom so we were able to get a king size bed for her to sleep on with us but there is also room in there for her to have her own bed. It also has a little yard for her to hang out in which is what really sold me on the place! It isn't a huge space for running, but it is some grass for her to lay in and, well, "do business" in as well. I can't wait for her to see it!

1. My Routine

The number one thing I miss about living on my own without a doubt is my daily routine. When we lived on our own my husband and I had a system, and it worked really well for us. We had it all figured out to where we could cook healthy dinners at night, go on walks with our pupper, watch our favorite tv shows, and chit chat about our days. We had a flow that made it easy for us to take care of our home and ourselves. I miss those little things like sitting in my desk chair while my hubs makes dinner and we talk about our days. I miss going on our walks where we have had some of our best conversations while also getting in shape. I miss our weekend days sitting in the living room doing absolutely nothing. I miss going to Costco (geez, I miss Costco haha). I can;t wait to do all of those little "adulty" things again.

I hope this post doesn't come across too much like a pity party. My main goal for writing it was mainly for those of you who have or do these things every day and don't realize how you may take it for granted. Do chores suck? Yes. But do I miss having my own home to take care of? Super yes. Would my husband and I play rock, paper, scissors to determine who has to take the dog out? Yes. But do I miss it. Heck yes. Only 6 days until I get to have all of these things again!